January is a great month to purge. Purge closets. Purge drawers. Purge the papers under the bed. That’s where I keep my divorce papers. For legal purposes, those will have to stay. But I still have drawers full of journals. Interspersed with joyful reflections on homemaking and childrearing are lamentations over a failing marriage. Trying to purge, but how do I skim off the fat (broken marriage and betrayal) and keep the healthy minerals (memories of motherhood)? It should be as easy as soup. But the skimming process forces me to read them. To shred or not to shred. That is the question. Yet I must purge. I sure could use the drawer space for more fuzzy sox.
So I’ve been caught up in this for several days. It plunged me into melancholy. I started rehashing stuff in my mind. I’m grieving again, with Natalie Merchant moaning in the background. It doesn’t help that this month marks the 10th Anniversary of my divorce being final.
I failed to heed wisdom I wrote about before in my post The Second Time Around: Yours, Mine and Ours, Yes! – don’t look back. The holidays always cause nostalgia to flare up, so I need to cut myself some slack. There’s nothing wrong with remembering precious moments with my children. But to relive the death of a marriage is for naught. I will skim through my journal pages with a discriminating eye. I will treasure the good and destroy the evil.
Though this blog says ‘divorced’, I don’t want to focus on that. The title remains as is, but only so I can help others, perhaps, heal from divorce. I will never bash my ex or rehash. I’d like to emphasize marriage – having a God-glorifying one at that.
Maybe I should have made two posts out of this one, but I think it will be okay to segue into:
A Few Rants About Blogging
The internet allows anyone to be a writer, food expert, photographer or graphic artist. Technology has made things so easy (for some of us) especially for the under 50 crowd. I have a love-hate relationship with the internet, social media and technology in general. . I’ve rebelled against it from the beginning. It’s hard to keep up with new programs and trust me, I don’t! Yet there’s much to love, like the ease of writing and publishing your own blog. (Thank you, WordPress!)
- Blogging, done expertly, takes too much time. And far too much connection and exposure that makes me uncomfortable. I am an introvert. I prefer my small world. I don’t want to twitter and fritter away the hours. I will not let this become obsession or bondage. I don’t even own a smartphone and hopefully never will.
- Where’s my audience? What is the motivation behind a blog? Is it to be popular? Is it about numbers, stats, the most readership? High visibility along this digital highway? I find myself tempted to be popular here, where no one sees me. I check stats often and get discouraged by my mere handful of readers. My mood depends on the day’s clicks, likes and comments. I want some applause. Ugh, how prideful.
- Privacy is an issue. Sharing in epidemic proportions is dangerous. Too much information is available and too much of what needs to remain private is shared. While it’s good to share the wisdom gained by our afflictions and testify of God’s grace toward us, blogging can sometimes go beyond what is edifying.
- The blogosphere is totally congested. In the age of the selfie, we can’t seem to call enough attention to ourselves. We’re all guilty of wanting glory for ourselves. Blogging can sometimes be the natural outflow of selfishness in thinking that everyone out there is interested in our lives. We are the stars of our Facebook pages and our blogs. Here, look at me!
This blog is a baby of four months old. I enjoy writing it and I learned much when I let dead men speak during the holiday months. I have several new posts planned for the coming months. But I need humility. I want this blog to be a ministry: a tool to draw souls to Christ as well as edify the body of Christ.
With that said, let me offer a prayer borrowed from a dead man, in keeping with the situation, so to speak.
I pray that:
“The design of my writings is to stir up and quicken the Lord’s children in the way of . . .
greater trust in Christ,
more intense looking to Christ,
greater dependence upon Him,
and more consistent abiding in Him
— so that they may . . .
enjoy more sweet fellowship with Him,
find more of the His inestimable preciousness,
and experience more of His wonderful love, which surpasses knowledge.
By thus cleaving, in heart and affection, to our heavenly Bridegroom, we shall be . . .
more spiritual in our frame of mind,
more humble in our hearts,
more circumspect in our walk,
more heavenly in our conversation,
and more holy in our lives.
Hence we shall become more dead . . .
to the world and its vanities,
to sin and its miseries, and
to self-righteousness and its deceits.”
– William Mason
Please read this in its entirety: An Infinite Debtor by William Mason on Grace Gems
In 2015, I pray that this marriage-themed blog will help us to ‘cleave to our heavenly Bridegroom’. I pray that I can keep from bashing, rehashing and looking at stats. May this blog be humble and bring honor and glory to Christ alone. Amen.