We are not young or restless but we are Reformed. Mike and I (Angela) are members of Southside Reformed Presbyterian Church in Indianapolis, Indiana. We are thankful that the Lord, in His gracious Providence, united us in marriage on August 25, 2012.
We both suffered unwanted divorces after long marriages. This blog was born to discuss remarriage after divorce from our Reformed Christian perspective. There are many in Reformed Christian circles who believe that remarriage after divorce is absolutely forbidden, no matter what the divorce circumstances were. I am a Reformed remarried divorcee. A divorced and remarried Reformed Christian. No matter how you put it, it doesn’t sound good. I hate the D word. This blog is not aiming to balk at denominations that are strict in their convictions. I’m with them and most of all I’m with Jesus: He hates divorce and I hate it, too. I will attempt to share the anguish, anxieties, and apprehension that preceded our marriage. Besides the difficulty of a second marriage, my husband and I are middle-aged with grown children. Thus, there will be posts about other issues that make second marriages difficult. You can imagine there will be an infinite amount of subjects to tackle on these pages, including the many blessings of a new marriage and anything relating to marriage all from a Biblical worldview.
I do the writing while Mike looks over my shoulder as my spiritual leader.
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We are not young or restless but we are Reformed. Mike and I (Angela) are members of Southside Reformed Presbyterian Church in Indianapolis, Indiana. We are thankful that the Lord, in His gracious Providence, united us in marriage on August 25, 2012.
I wonder if you considered the power of God to redeem your errant “beginning” spouse, no matter how long it took. I thought that was why Jesus said what He said of divorce and remarriage. He wanted the chance to redeem the marriage or at least, show the children and the world the value of a vow. I do not think remarriage serves the children. They had enough with the separation or divorce.
A friend’s parents divorced when she was 19. Her mother remarried twice, all marriages divorced. Her dad married a nice woman who died after five years married to her. He did not marry again. When my friend was in her forties, she said she still wished her parents would get back together. I think children instinctively know they are a product of their parents and so instinctively feel less than whole when the parents are not united and feel even less whole when they see another party hindering the slightest possibility of parents’ reconciliation. Does it really help the child to have that much confusion in their lives? By remarrying while your former spouse is yet alive, you are teaching your children the vow does not matter.
I grew up with a boy in church whose parents were divorced. The father did not remarry and as far as I know, the offending mother did not either. The father remained raised six children, all of whom are productive and professing Christians many years. I think that was due, at least in part, to his commitment to keep his vow. Those two parents are now buried side by side as husband and wife.
Likewise, I know of two professing married Christians who were separated many years until death separated them. They lived together briefly before he died in their elder years. I think their commitment to their vow left the children and community with the sense and value of a vow. I admire anyone who values the wedding vow that much. Do Christ’s words have any strength they were meant to have, that no one should put asunder, which includes remarriage.
God would have all to be saved. That is His goal. To me, part of being saved is being committed in marriage, separated or not, until death parts, for that is Christ’s example and commitment to his Bride the Church. Would we want Christ to abandon His vow to us? Yet, we abandon our vow to our marriages when we remarry while the original spouse is yet alive. When we remarry while the original spouse yet alive, we are telling the world God does not have the power to redeem our marriage or that God does not have the sustaining grace to help us keep the vow we made.
How does a remarriage bring the offending spouse into relationship with God? You hated divorce but not enough to keep the vow. It looks like your husband committed adultery against the marriage and now you got him back by legally committing adultery via a remarriage to another. Seems you are birds of a feather. He adulterated first, you later. I would rather go into Heaven with one eye than go into Hell with two.
Read Michael and Marilyn’s Phillips story in the free download, First Aid For A Troubled Marriage, and see how God showed her how to find peace with an errant spouse and how God restored her marriage, how God made the marriage new. I think remarriages have their own built in troubles because God knew the only answer to being separated or divorced was remaining single or reconciling until death parts the “beginning” marriage. Jesus is in the business of redemption, reconciliation, salvation, sanctification. His grace is sufficient to keep a “beginning” marriage vow, separated or divorced, until death do us part. I think that is what the world needs to see and wants to see – those willing to keep their vow no matter what, remaining single or reconciled.
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Thank you, Sally, for your comments. There’s so much I could say in response, so I’ve decided to write an entire future blog post to address what you’ve said here. I don’t know if you read my post on remarriage after divorce. If not, please do: https://divorcedreformedremarried.wordpress.com/2014/09/15/can-two-divorced-people-remarry-my-struggles-with-that-question-and-john-pipers-answer/ I read the Phillips book and I’m glad their marriage was restored. Thank you for your thoughts and for giving me motivation to continue writing this blog.
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