Healed by the Great Physician

O Lord my God, I cried out to You,
And You healed me. – Psalm 30:2

Sunset over Kourion coast
Sunset over Kourion coast. Mediterranean. Cyprus

The good news came after a very long wait. I am cancer-free! This whole trial has been an extreme test of patience and waiting on the Lord. From the drop of blood in April until the doctor’s call with my pathology report the evening of August 18th, it was a very. long. time. With the good report came refreshing weather, as if God lifted all of the heaviness of the air as well as the heaviness of my soul in one fell swoop.

Thy Will Be Done

For months, it wasn’t easy to pray thy will be done. I realized the Lord could continue to afflict me. But I prayed with this portion of scripture in mind:

Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? 11 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him! Matt. 7:9-11

He is so loving and kind towards me. He answered my prayer and the prayers of my family, friends and church family.

Lymph nodes are clear. No further treatment needed. Praise the Lord!

My Date with da Vinci

Now I rejoice as I reminisce about my date with da Vinci. The date that almost wasn’t (click to read about that here).  I didn’t dare look at da Vinci. The pictures I’d seen of him online looked scary and intimidating. So when I was hauled to the OR, I looked at the ceiling, the big lights and the faces of people around me who were grabbing, poking and getting me ready for the Master to perform my surgery.

A little arm rest, one of them said as she bolted them down.

Arms stretched out and tied down, I was at the mercy of these medical professionals and one large robot. But my trust was in Jesus. I knew He was with me.

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, I whispered.

I’m going to give you something to relax you, another said.

Over and out.

Next thing I knew was intense pain. I heard myself moaning.

Hang on, I’m adjusting your pain meds, one of them said.

Don’t rub your eyes! said another.

Joy Cometh in the Morning

It’s over! It’s done! I’m awake! Thank you, Jesus!

I was overwhelmed with joy.

Later that night, I thanked the Lord continually and relived the events of the day. In the OR, I was in an utterly vulnerable state: naked under my gown, on a tiny plank of a bed, arms pinned down, ready to be cut, blood would run out. It made me think of Jesus going to the cross for me. How they stripped Him. How he stretched out his hands on that cross, willingly, for me. How he would have intense pain inflicted upon Him, with the goal of killing Him. How he did not drink the sour wine mingled with gall, for He would not be tranquilized. He was not anesthetized. Jesus’ pain was fully felt.

He would not drink it, because he … would have nothing like an opiate to lessen his sense of pain, for he would die so as to feel himself die, because he had so much work to do, as our High Priest, in his suffering work. — Matthew Henry’s Commentary on Matt. 27:34

I welcomed the anesthesia as well as a nerve block for my pain. My pain was inflicted to remove cancer, to heal me. My Lord’s pain was inflicted upon Him to give me ultimate healing.

So when I woke up and saw the connect-the-dots wounds da Vinci designed on my belly, I thought also about His wounds. He was wounded for my transgressions. He was bruised for my iniquities.

That is the ultimate healing. And now this, too — he gave me physical healing.

The Great Physician, Master Surgeon, Has Healed Me

It wasn’t Master Leonardo da Vinci. It wasn’t the medical geniuses that invented this robot. It wasn’t Dr. David Moore. It was my Master, Jesus Christ, who performed all my surgery. As I read that very morning:

…the sharp cuts of the lancet have cleansed out the proud flesh and facilitated the healing. –C.H. Spurgeon

I previously posted how this affliction was a visitation from God (read that here). So I actually had a date with Jesus, not da Vinci. His abiding presence was with me, as He promised.

and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen. – Matt. 28:20

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Oppressive Seasons and Cancer Buzz Words

My favorite weather forecast is cloudy with a chance of meatballs, but you can’t always get what you want.

What a hot, humid, utterly oppressive summer it’s been. Nothing in our garden is doing well this year. How I long for autumn. How I long for just a refreshing breeze. How I long for this cancer to be gone.

To keep my summer theme going, sort of, I am taking a break from my original buzz words to attack a cancer buzz word, or phrase I hate:

Cancer Journey

I’m not on a cancer journey. If you must use the word journey, call it my Christian journey. I am a pilgrim on this earth. This cancer is an affliction I must suffer, but it must not overwhelm me. Calling it a journey gives it too much power. It is not a separate journey, it’s a season in my pilgrimage. My entire life on this earth is full of trials and tribulation. So please, don’t ask about my cancer journey. Ask about my walk with the Lord. I am a daughter of the King. Let me tell you how He sustains me. I have been through much in my pilgrimage. This is just another season.

I’m not walking with cancer, I walk with the Lord God Almighty. I’m not on the road of life with cancer, I’m on this road with God. He is my God, mine! He’s all powerful, cancer is NOT.

Maybe I’m rambling in this post. Probably. I’m trying to keep calm as my surgery date approaches. My Lord supplies all the consolation I need in His Word. He works through my dear brothers and sisters in Christ who encourage me. What a privilege it is to belong to Jesus!

So back to this oppressive heat. Every night, Mike and I look sadly at our gardening efforts withering away. Of course, I blame him for being so stingy with the organic dirt. There’s not enough room for deep roots. All the plants look stunted. (Hmmmm, there’s another blog post right there.)

My rooftop garden is doing so much better than the one below. Herbs thrive on our rooftop. We’re getting some peppers, too. And red cabbage!

There’s always hope.

This morning in the garden with Jesus, I saw this rose. My hybrid teas have not been doing well, but behold, suddenly, what a beauty! The bee thought so, too. I wanted to sniff this sweet rose but I hate bees, remember?


I ran inside for my camera and pruners, thinking maybe by the time I get back, the bee will be gone.

He was still there. But I boldly grabbed my rose. Snip.

The bee flew away. I cringed at the buzzing sound.

Safely inside, with my AC cranked up, I happily placed this rose in my sunny dining room.

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This evening, I received this Grace Gem, Walking With Jesus, by Mary Winslow, in my inbox. Here are some quotes taken from her writing. I encourage you to use the link to read it in its entirety.

“Dearest Jesus! help Your pilgrims to live more like pilgrims, above a poor dying world, and more in full view of the glory that awaits them when they shall see You face to face!”

This world is not, and never was intended to be, our rest. It is a wilderness we are passing through, and shame, shame to us, that we so often want to sit down amid its weeds and briars, and amuse ourselves with the trifles of a fallen world lying in the wicked one. All here is polluted and tainted by sin; therefore does Christ say, “Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.”

Jesus is the Fountain, yes, the Ocean, of living waters. We draw supplies from His infinite, inexhaustible fulness. “Lord, impart to me more of Yourself. Fill this heart with Your love, engrave Your image there, and let me not lose sight of You for one small moment.”

Jesus is all in all to me. I feel a blessed nearness to Him, to heaven. My soul holds converse with Him, and sweet I find it to lie as a helpless infant at His feet; yes, passive in His loving hands, knowing no will but His.

What a mercy, thus to unburden the whole heart; the tried and weary, the tempted and sorrowful heart; tried by sin, tried by Satan, tried by those you love! What a mercy to have a loving bosom to flee to, one truly loving heart to confide in, which responds to the faintest breathing of the Spirit! “Precious Jesus, how inexpressibly dear are You to me at this moment! Keep sensibly near to me. Lift up upon me Your heavenly countenance, for it is sweeter, dearer, better than life!

This rose.


This Jesus:

In all your sorrows, pour out your heart to the Man of sorrows. He will bow down His ear and listen to all you say, and will either remove or moderate your trial, and give you strength to bear it. Even this bitter draught He has given you to drink shall result both in your good and His own glory. Remember, not a sparrow falls upon the ground without His guidance, and that the very hairs of your head are all numbered. How much more has this trying event been ordered and arranged by Him who loves you! Infinite wisdom has appointed the whole! Never doubt that He loves you when He the most deeply afflicts. “When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” May He lift up upon you the light of His countenance, drawing you nearer to Himself, that you may see what a tender, loving heart He has for you, and how deeply and tenderly and considerately He cares for you, as if there were not another poor sorrowful one to care for on the face of the whole earth!

My Jesus. My hope and trust is in Him.

Are You Ready To REALLY Love Me?

What a horrible summer it’s been. Forget buzz words.

This is a special break from our regularly scheduled programming.

Buzz words are far better than the C word. I didn’t want to ever have to deal with that one.


It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad year (in Judith Viorst’s words. I love children’s books, so nothing says it better than that).

It all started shortly after New Year’s Day, when I broke a tooth on an almond. So much for healthy choices.

So that got me to the dentist, after a ten-year hiatus. Yes. You could only imagine the bill I’m still paying.

Then with April rains, came a mysterious spot of blood. Just one spot and tiny at that. I thought it was, maybe, I dunno…maybe I’ll ignore it. But I couldn’t.

So that got me to a gynecologist.

Fast forward to June 20, after having a PAP (abnormal but not showing cancer), uterine biopsy (abnormal but not showing cancer), ultrasound (looking good, but fooled ya!), and finally, a LEEP and D&C, I get the dreaded call. I had been praying fervently that morning, that I would finally get a good report, after all these other inconclusive tests.



It wasn’t the receptionist or nurse from the doctor’s office. It was the doctor. My heart started pounding.

“I have your pathology report here. I’m so sorry. You have uterine cancer.”

“Okay” I said, shaking, but not crying…yet.

I called a dear sister from church, immediately asking for that APB (All Prayer Bulletin) to be put out across our church family.

My plans and lists. His plans are far better, for His glory.

Then I cried. And prayed. And did some chores, zombie-like.

Then I called my daughter. My daughter, who has survived her father’s abandonment. My daughter, who has survived her own daughter’s cancer. All by God’s grace. And now she is the most positive, upbeat, loving woman that I can lean on.

My poor husband was next in line. I hate telling him horrible stuff over the phone while he’s at work, but he knew I’d get results today and he would ask anyway.

“Honey, we have a dark providence to deal with.”

“Oh, no.”


I will be weepy. I might be mean, impatient and irritable. I might not have dinner for you when you get home.

Later on, he said he cried, and I think I believe him, though I couldn’t see his tears through the cell phone.

Are you ready to really love me, husband? Are you ready and willing to put physical intimacy on hold? Can you appreciate greater spiritual and emotional intimacy in exchange?

The Lord ordained this for me, for us. Be there for me. You don’t have to speak, just wrap your arms around me. Be selfless. Stop making crumbs, haha! Be sensitive to my emotional tumult. Forgive me when I scream at you. Please.

I’ve been so volatile.

We are still newlyweds. From the beginning, I told Mike how I would love and savor the years the Lord gives us. I pray that He has many more in store for us. We’ve only just begun. Continue reading