Off My Chest! Top Ten Reasons Why I Hate Sports

March Madness will reach its crescendo of insanity at the end of this week. Perfect timing for my first post in a series of occasional rants called Off My Chest!

I hate sports. As a kid, I hated gym class. I voluntarily accepted an F in gymnastics, reasoning I’m a female human being, not a monkey. I don’t swing on bars. You might say I loathe sports simply because don’t have an athletic gene in me. But wait. It’s much more than that.

Here’s why I hate sports. We will do this Letterman style, with the #1 reason at the end. Fasten your seat belts. And before you exit, be sure to read the Disclaimer.

  • Hearing squeaking sneakers, whistles, fans screaming and droning commentators just bugs me.
  • Pro athletes are greedy celebrities. Many are narcissistic, womanizers, druggies. Some were/are murderers and abusers of women. Most are not good role models for children.  (Tim Tebow might be an exception.) Watching or following sports is no longer a wholesome recreation for children.
  • Like most worthless entertainment, watching sports is mesmerizing and mind-numbing. Think of the ancient Romans and their bread and circuses. Hmmm. What else is going on in the world while Joe Sports is shoveling GMO nachos into his mouth?
  • Game time commercials appeal to the male animal. They are all about partying, women, sex, lust, beer, cars, Viagra, toxic fast food, etc. Need I say more?
  • Watching/playing sports promotes unrealistic body images. Build more muscle, increase strength and stamina. This leads to my next reason why I hate sports:
  • Sports promote drug use for both body enhancement (steroids, etc.) and recovery from sports injuries. So many adolescents have ruined their shoulders, knees, noses, etc., because of sports participation. Painkillers are addictive and millions of millenials are hooked.
  • The Olympics have become a humanistic demonic display, getting more perverse each year. Remember what the ancient Greeks valued: physical beauty and their various idols. The opening ceremonies of the Olympics in recent years have been full of occultism. Flames, circles, painted and feathered androgynous figures. Mystery Babylon is alive and well. Gender blurring is evident in these games, and in all sports as well. Do men who identify as female play on female teams? How can physical competitions be fair if we embrace 41 different genders?
  • There are so many better things to do. Yes, I know, most parents say their kids are in extracurricular sports to keep them physically fit and keep them out of trouble. Sounds good. The result? Very harried parents who run to and fro weeknights and weekends, Sunday games that keep the whole family from Lord’s Day worship services, and kids who never read books, sit still, or do any chores.
  • Women sports commentators. This burns me up. As if cheerleaders shaking their pom-poms are not enough, we now have buxom babes well versed in football strategy manning the games [pardon the pun]. With testosterone and dopamine levels already rising, here’s more fodder for the male animal. And don’t tell me men don’t see it this way. Women sportscasters are not sports fiends or experts, they are eye candy. Sexploitation at its finest.
    Woman_of_the_year_3
    Sam teaches Tess all about baseball.

    In the past, it was cute to be a female who didn’t understand football (or baseball, etc.) Case in point: In the 1942 movie, Woman of the Year, Tess Harding is a journalist (and feminist!) covering international affairs. Sam Craig is a sportswriter. Sam is attracted to Tess and invites her to a baseball game. This intellectual feminist knows nothing about the game. So Sam patiently explains it all to her. How endearing, how darling, how romantic. Even though Tess was a feminazi brat, she still had feminine qualities, and especially integrity. Fast forward to today when guys are turned-on by a beautiful woman sports commentator who speaks his language. This new Perfect Woman makes millions just for looking good while reading a teleprompter. Go grab some more carcinogenic microwave popcorn while I vomit.

  • And the #1 reason why I hate sports:

Sports is a marriage destroyer.

Wives can feel abandoned by sports-addicted husbands. And they don’t appreciate the pornographic ads either. Men who are really hooked follow a couple of sports every season. So it takes up 365 days a year. Fantasy sports plays right into the hand of the mesmerized male animal, adding to his delusions of grandeur as a powerful team manager. It’s fake. It’s a waste of time and money. But it’s addictive. And destructive to marriage.

This short video explains the addictive cycle of watching sports.

This is your brain on sports:

Disclaimer #1: I understand that couples, both husband and wife, may actually enjoy watching or playing sports together. That’s great. This post is addressing professional, televised sports for the most part. Yes, participating in a sport is great exercise. I’m fine with guys getting together to shoot baskets and stuff like that. Don’t get me wrong. As for me, I think the good Lord provided enough ways to exercise just by working – in the garden, doing housework, chopping wood, whatever! — not by peddling on monstrous machines that take up entire living rooms or competitively charging into one another.

Disclaimer #2 – Please disregard the reference to evolution in the above video (the morphing ape-man). UGH.

By the way, I love to shoot baskets with my 30-something son. And yes, I am pretty good at it, even though I’m short.

I’m done. Thank you for listening.

photo credit: screenshot from Woman of the Year, courtesy Wikimedia

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